Memoir of a Hollow Man

For the past few months now I have been mentioning the coming of a new chapter in my life, yet in my mind it’s been something I’ve been anticipating for much longer. If I haven’t said it already, this experience has definitely clarified what it is in life I feel to be important, and for me that’s living life to the fullest. After all, we only have one shot at this thing called life, so why not embrace it and enjoy it, and so this means surrounding myself with what makes me happy and doing the things I love. 

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It’s been six weeks since my last posting and like my last post; my life’s been on the go and it has continued to show me I’m ready to rumble…take on life and get back to living as if nothing has happened, but with a few minor differences of course.

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I had started this posting about two weeks ago, but couldn’t find enough time to sit down and get it done, so I’m attempting it once again. Difference is, I finally have a couple days in a row with nothing planned except a couple appointments, but then I’m off again. It seems since my last posting I have been on the go non-stop, something I feared I’d never be able to maintain for such a prolonged period of time.

In my last posting I was only six weeks into my ACL reconstruction recovery and mostly trapped on the couch once again while I let the new tendon mend. I had begun physiotherapy, which at the time was really my only escape from my apartment, which in some way had become a prison over the past year and a bit. Of course I got out when I could, but I was never really comfortable and definitely didn’t feel like myself most of the time, if ever.

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If you are still following my journey you would have noticed my written posts have definitely become a lot more sporadic, but that’s not because I’ve given up, it’s just because it’s a lot harder to write about the present than it is the past, especially since not much happens in a typical day for me at the moment. I have been pretty much locked-down at home once again due to my recent ACL reconstruction that took place six weeks ago. Of course I try to get out a couple times a week so I don’t go completely insane, but my outings aren’t too exciting or anything to really write about. It’s usually the same old; grab a bite or a beer, maybe a movie or run an errand. Other than that, I’m basically at home watching ridiculously mind-numbing TV shows, playing video games or on my computer writing or surfing the information super highway. Although, with the unfortunate decline in my libido from what it once was (I do certainly hope this is very much temporary), which some may say was a little uncontrollable, I don’t find the internet as useful as I once did. The weather here in Vancouver isn’t really motivating me to get outside either, as it’s still unbelievably terrible for this time of year, it’s been unusually wet and cold. This makes sitting at home a little more bearable in the sense that I know I’m not missing anything, but it still sucks being trapped in a dark drab apartment alone most days.

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First day at physio…great session, was there for 3 hours.

Four full weeks of taking it easy on my knee…today was the first day on the stationary bike and felt relatively good. See physiotherapist next week…

Since my last post, which was pretty much two weeks after my third ACL reconstruction, I stated my main issue was lack of sleep, which it was. Soon after those first two weeks cabin fever once again started to set in. One can only spend so much time locked up in their apartment watching movies and playing video games before they go stir crazy…and for me, I crossed that line a long time ago. So combining my lack of sleep with the cabin fever and you have a person on the verge of a breakdown.

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I thought this day would be filled with more excitement and celebration, after all its May 30, 2012, the one-year anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. However, due to my recent ACL reconstruction I’m sitting on my all to familiar couch celebrating life alone, my first birthday of sorts, well in the sense that I have learned and for the most adjusted to life without a stomach. Yep, it’s been one year ago that I went to sleep with what I was told at the time was a healthy stomach, only to awake with no stomach at all. Having to decide to go ahead with the operation on the premise that I possessed a gene mutation (CDH1) that could potentially cause stomach cancer was a lot harder of a decision than I originally thought. While also being diagnosed with stage-two testicular cancer, I had lymph nodes removed that same day, which seemed to be the more rational of the two and the optimal course of action with the type of tumor that had been discovered in my cancerous testicle that had been removed previously. Figuring they were cutting me open anyways, this was a good time to “kill two birds with one stone” as they say, making the decision a little easier to go sans stomach.

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As mentioned, when 2011 ended I felt a huge relief, saying goodbye to what was by far the most challenging year of my life, both physically and mentally. January 1st 2012 was the eighth month point in my recovery from the total gastrectomy and lymph node surgeries that were performed due to testicular cancer and the probability of stomach cancer forming in the near future. It was if I was starting to get over the hump, after all the doctors and everyone else that had knowledge of these operations said around the eight to twelve month mark was the turning point.

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After I declared bankruptcy I was a little less stressed, and it was perfect timing as I had a couple more surgeries coming up and fast. Yes, I said more surgeries…

I had known for a while I had a deviated septum surgery planned for the end of October, but I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call that the first stage of my ACL reconstruction; a bone graft from my hip to my knee was to take place the following week. Again, if you’ve been following my story from the beginning you would know I have been anticipating my knee surgery for some time and it has been a priority of mine to get rebuilt. I had also been waiting almost a year for the deviated septum surgery, so there wasn’t a hope in hell that I wasn’t going to proceed with either surgery.

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