Memoir of a Hollow Man

I had started this posting about two weeks ago, but couldn’t find enough time to sit down and get it done, so I’m attempting it once again. Difference is, I finally have a couple days in a row with nothing planned except a couple appointments, but then I’m off again. It seems since my last posting I have been on the go non-stop, something I feared I’d never be able to maintain for such a prolonged period of time.

In my last posting I was only six weeks into my ACL reconstruction recovery and mostly trapped on the couch once again while I let the new tendon mend. I had begun physiotherapy, which at the time was really my only escape from my apartment, which in some way had become a prison over the past year and a bit. Of course I got out when I could, but I was never really comfortable and definitely didn’t feel like myself most of the time, if ever.

Read more

If you are still following my journey you would have noticed my written posts have definitely become a lot more sporadic, but that’s not because I’ve given up, it’s just because it’s a lot harder to write about the present than it is the past, especially since not much happens in a typical day for me at the moment. I have been pretty much locked-down at home once again due to my recent ACL reconstruction that took place six weeks ago. Of course I try to get out a couple times a week so I don’t go completely insane, but my outings aren’t too exciting or anything to really write about. It’s usually the same old; grab a bite or a beer, maybe a movie or run an errand. Other than that, I’m basically at home watching ridiculously mind-numbing TV shows, playing video games or on my computer writing or surfing the information super highway. Although, with the unfortunate decline in my libido from what it once was (I do certainly hope this is very much temporary), which some may say was a little uncontrollable, I don’t find the internet as useful as I once did. The weather here in Vancouver isn’t really motivating me to get outside either, as it’s still unbelievably terrible for this time of year, it’s been unusually wet and cold. This makes sitting at home a little more bearable in the sense that I know I’m not missing anything, but it still sucks being trapped in a dark drab apartment alone most days.

Read more

I still don’t cook nearly as often as I used to, but I do a couple times a week…some of my faves I still enjoy; green curry prawns & scallops with coconut milk (on left), and jerk chicken roti (on right). Homemade food I tend to have better luck with, but I still get the “dumping syndrome” affects at times… no where near as often as I used to. #FeelingGood

I thought this day would be filled with more excitement and celebration, after all its May 30, 2012, the one-year anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. However, due to my recent ACL reconstruction I’m sitting on my all to familiar couch celebrating life alone, my first birthday of sorts, well in the sense that I have learned and for the most adjusted to life without a stomach. Yep, it’s been one year ago that I went to sleep with what I was told at the time was a healthy stomach, only to awake with no stomach at all. Having to decide to go ahead with the operation on the premise that I possessed a gene mutation (CDH1) that could potentially cause stomach cancer was a lot harder of a decision than I originally thought. While also being diagnosed with stage-two testicular cancer, I had lymph nodes removed that same day, which seemed to be the more rational of the two and the optimal course of action with the type of tumor that had been discovered in my cancerous testicle that had been removed previously. Figuring they were cutting me open anyways, this was a good time to “kill two birds with one stone” as they say, making the decision a little easier to go sans stomach.

Read more

As mentioned, when 2011 ended I felt a huge relief, saying goodbye to what was by far the most challenging year of my life, both physically and mentally. January 1st 2012 was the eighth month point in my recovery from the total gastrectomy and lymph node surgeries that were performed due to testicular cancer and the probability of stomach cancer forming in the near future. It was if I was starting to get over the hump, after all the doctors and everyone else that had knowledge of these operations said around the eight to twelve month mark was the turning point.

Read more

My perceived notions of how important the gym was to my recovery from the gastrectomy and in gaining weight had come to light. With no stomach I never have to fear of becoming fat again, but on the flip side, I will struggle gaining weight and maintaining my energy. Although going to gym takes a heck of a lot out of me, literally, gaining muscle is the most realistic way I’m going to gain any weight and increase my energy. But, in order to gain muscle I need to be able to supply the necessary nutrients and calories to do so, and maintain it, hence the eternal battle I am posed with. It’s not only the lack of my ability to absorb the nutrients and calories needed, but also the amounts in which I’m able to consume that are the main factors to this dilemma.

Read more

After I declared bankruptcy I was a little less stressed, and it was perfect timing as I had a couple more surgeries coming up and fast. Yes, I said more surgeries…

I had known for a while I had a deviated septum surgery planned for the end of October, but I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call that the first stage of my ACL reconstruction; a bone graft from my hip to my knee was to take place the following week. Again, if you’ve been following my story from the beginning you would know I have been anticipating my knee surgery for some time and it has been a priority of mine to get rebuilt. I had also been waiting almost a year for the deviated septum surgery, so there wasn’t a hope in hell that I wasn’t going to proceed with either surgery.

Read more

Struggling with my ability to eat, and improving on my weight and energy weren’t the only concerns I was going to have to contend with. There is the inevitable challenge of staying afloat for most people going through major health related issues. This type of added uncertainty and stress is without a doubt the last thing someone going through these situations needs to deal with, but unfortunately must. This is why I have always been a supporter of Foundations, Organizations and Fundraisers. They are so important for those going through these types experiences, not only for the financial support, but also for social, mental and physical support. And now that I am going through such an experience of my own, I understand the additional struggles beyond that of the mental and physical strains brought upon people during these events and how hard they can be to deal with.

Read more

I was glad to be back home in Vancouver after my three-week whirlwind adventure. Don’t get me wrong, I had an incredible time, but I was totally exhausted. In those three weeks I flew roughly 14,000kms due to some of the ridiculous stopovers I had to make. That’s a lot of travel for someone in good health and with a stomach. For me, in retrospect, going through what I was going through and so soon after the operations was probably not the brightest idea. I knew from speaking with my bio-mom and friend that the first three months were the toughest, but then again, maybe that’s why I chose to take the trip, to challenge that perception. I did survive, obviously, but at what cost was the question.

Feeling totally exhausted, my main focus was to get settled back into a routine that could hopefully get my recovery back on a steady course to improving my weight, energy and focus; in short, feel as healthy as possible again. I was also set to have my second follow up with my oncologist that included blood tests and a CT scan which would also give me some insight into what I needed to work on to assist in my recovery. 

Read more

My dad and I discussed a few options on where to go for our first family trip together, yes I said first…the first ever family trip that my dad, two brothers and I would be going on. You see, my one brother was born when I was thirteen and it wasn’t until I was twenty-three that my youngest brother was born, and I was already living in B.C. so I wasn’t around much. Actually when my dad remarried, the only family trip I can recall prior to this one was to P.E.I. when I was fourteen or fifteen, but then again I wouldn’t call it a “family” trip.

Read more